Your shoes scream hipster

I had a date two weeks ago that I was pretty darn excited about. His profile was spot-on with funny and togetherness, he fit someone I would be interested in AND he had a picture of the cutest black lab I had ever seen. This is the one! Fun times ahead, obviously. We are going to go horseback riding and go to Jazz in the Park and do all of the other simply delightful dates I have planned in my head. We had several days of perfectly witty, teasing texts, a couple phone calls and I was no longer disappointed by my slew of less than ideal match dates.

This was going to be it! No more of these guys that seem great and then we meet and the chemistry is lacking... Maybe I build them up too much in my head and there is no way they can measure up? I dunno.. maybe there is a list of failed dates because I am just going on so many more than I would if I were to be meeting them in person? Probably all of the above.

Anyway, let's see... Sam* and I decide to meet for a drink and then head to dinner in the Bishop Arts district together. I try on approximately 19 different outfits, and about 9 pairs of shoes. With all these different options, surely I picked the perfect thing... right? Wrong, again blondie. From his pictures, he has sparkling blue eyes, a killer smile, and to-die-for dimples. I'm pumped! I arrive at the G-Man, and I hear my name being called from across the parking lot. No no no no no no. Why am I wearing such tall shoes? WHY do I not understand how "height" works. 5'8" is not tall. I am at least as tall as him in my heels. Not. Fair. My attraction to him doubles when we sit, but I just don't know how I feel about being eye level with a fella.

I am not a tall girl. I do not wear ridiculous shoes. There is no way my heels are 4 inches. I am beginning to think that some of these boys add an inch or two to their height. LIARS! LIARS! LIARS! Knock it off!

So the rest of the date- conversation is decent. He brought up how he used to make just sooo muuucchh monneeeyyyy at a former job. First dates are not appropriate places for salary talk, bucko. We eat at Bolsa; I try everything (including mussels, smoked salmon, and some odd prosciutto bruschetta business: unimpressed with all of these, so I will stick with foods I know I like from here on out), so I am proud of myself for stepping out of that box. We have delicious wine, a great dessert, and my cheeseburger is fabulous. I am willing to go back- after checking their seasonal menu for items to satiate my picky selective palette.

He drops me off at my car. Goodnight. Thank you. Talk to you later alligator. He texts me later about how he just thought there would be more chemistry; it seemed like I was never "completely at ease" but that was his fault for not making me feel comfortable and he was sorry about that; but that I was a great date. I was his first online date, so hopefully I didn't scare him away from it all. He really is a fun, sweet, cute (albeit slightly balding) guy, so I know there is someone out there for him... someone a little shorter, maybe.


Oh, and his shoes were weird.

Addendum: This previous Friday night, I saw a guy sitting across the patio at Blackfriar from me who looks surprisingly similar to Sam. So I text him and ask if he is at Blackfriar. He affirms that he is, in fact, there and that I am staring right at him (I'm not staring). So we text back and forth for a bit- funny, cute, he looks alright over there! Maybe I judged him too quickly? Maybe I will give him a second chance and go on another date... Except, that at no time does he come over and say hi. That is so weird, right?! I get that he is a little weird about being on an online dating site, but he didn't have to tell his friends that that is where he met me. Weirdo, weirdo, weirdo! Bleh.

I'm starting to feel a little jaded about this all. Maybe online dating isn't for me? And do short guys have weird personalities, because I feel like the majority of the profiles I see are of short guys! I do need to start updating as the world turns date happens so that the memories are fresh and perhaps my humor will be less lacking. Only 4.5 more months of this... although, match does have a guarantee.

Oh Dear Lord, please don't let me need that guarantee. I am still waiting to meet that 6'1" blue eyed, hilarious, smart, romantic, spontaneous dream boat who makes my heart melt just by looking at me, and sets off fireworks in my heart (nether regions) when we kiss...(who also knows how to play the guitar, loves dogs, and likes aquatic, live music, and animal-geared adventures) guy who speaks English and doesn't beat me, as we reach for the same tomato at Central Market, one thing leads to another and there we are smooching in the chip aisle...

Grocery stores are always this sexy... right?

Sigh.

It's not you, it's... maybe it is you.

Before I officially signed up for this online dating business, and I was just looking at the boys to see if I thought there were enough cute ones, I saw one that I thought was super cute. I decided then and there, what the heck! If this cute guy is on here, then there will be plenty of boys I will like... or at least there should be a decent pool of acceptable contenders for me to choose from. So I signed up and waited for him to send me a message. Or wink at me. Or.. do something. He never did! Finally, I had to take matters into my own hands so I sent him a message. Let's call this chap Gretzky because he plays hockey.

A few match.com messages led to a few real emails led to hilarious text message banter led to a phone call. Yep, he actually called me on the phone! We talked for almost two hours, and boy was I smitten. He was funny and sweet and had a good voice and I started wondering if our children would have blue eyes or green eyes.

We texted for the next few days and he called me Sunday to officially ask for my hand in me out for Monday, which I thought was very sweet. I got more and more nervous as each day passed and by the time Monday came around, I was sure I would be unable to go on the actual date because I would be dead from a heart attack.

WHAT DO I DO NOW??? What is better; kiss or no kiss on the first date? What if I run out of things to talk about?? What if he doesn't like me? What if I don't like him!? What should I wear? Hair up? Down? Half and half? Oh dear Lord.

I hate being late, but I was a few minutes late due to a few minor breakdowns in my attempt to look perfect and 64 outfit changes. The date went fine. Great conversation, chit chat, banter... And then for the kicker. At the end of the date, he looks at me and says "Yeah, so, honestly? I don't see this going anywhere."

I'm sorry... but uhm what??? After a couple of weeks of delightful conversation, he is able to surmise that we would never work out in the relationship department after a couple of hours and a few drinks?? I am baffled by this news from Mr. Gretzky. While I definitely appreciated his honesty, I was awfully taken aback that he would tell me right there to my face that I wasn't doing it for him. Am I not pretty enough? Smart enough? Funny enough (I'm definitely funny enough, a-hole!)?

So, I stressed out whether or not I should kiss him because I wanted to do the right thing to ensure he realllllly liked me. Well, the story isn't over yet. He walked me to my car and after a pitcher of sangria, I decided it wouldn't matter what he thought about kissing on the first date since he already told me he wouldn't be interested in seeing me again, so I did. Right then and there. In the middle of uptown, by my car... some lip-locking, tonsil hockey, steamy little make-out sesh. Maybe it was an unresolved issue from college that all too often led me to using my womanly wiles to prove my attractiveness/self esteem/worth as a person... but we kissed for awhile by my car and then (And I probably should not even be telling you guys this) I didn't turn down his offer to watch a movie at his place.

First date slumber party. Real classy. Also, we've chatted all week and he may have been so kind as to give me a ride to my home Friday night after a piano bar and some birthday celebrations. But, he didn't like me. Not attracted to me. Hmmm.

 Oops... details will not be forthcoming.

Annnnnnd I've gotten my first online-dating-website-date-kiss. Uhm... yay?

I think I learned more from this one date than the other 5 combined. Stay tuned for a list of those lessons.