I'll be there with bells on...

So, one of the things I think I am most afraid of in my online dating endeavors is going on one of these dates and coming to find out that Mr. Online Guy has used: outdated, inaccurate, misleading or tricky photos. I mean, how do you react to that? I will tell you how I would react to that. I would go to the restroom, call my roommate and tell her she locked herself out of the apartment, or got a flat, or possibly is being chased by penguins (they can get aggressive and I imagine their beaks are sharp, so this is not a good scenario to be in), and she needs to call me back in 12 minutes to tell me of her misadventure so I can go to her rescue like SUPER GIRL!

I tell you this because, as I sat on the waiting bench at Cheesecake Factory, a man walks in. He is about 6', dark hair, kind of tan skin, dark eyes and about 45. The guy I am meeting (from here on out he will be called The President) is supposed to be... you guessed it: 6', dark hair, kind of tan skin, dark eyes, and not 45. My heart starts to pound a little harder in the non-good way. Ughhhhh- I have been dreading this. Mr. Old Balls sits about 2 feet away from me and keeps looking at the door. Is he looking for me?? Does he not recognize my beautiful face from my carefully selected (to ensure maximum creepy-man emails) profile pictures?

Luckily, about 3 minutes later, a tall dark and handsome man walks in and I am relieved. Does he look so much more handsome because I am so ecstatic he didn't go to high school with my dad? Possibly. Irrelevant. Unlike Duggar, he looks better in person than in his photos! Score!! This is great news! So we sit down, and I hear the jingling of bells. He shows me his watch and how he has attached bells to them. What! He actually followed through on a comment made in passing! We had been emailing back and forth and I affirmed our date saying "I will be there with bells on... probably not with bells on, but there." And he replied that he would in fact be wearing bells.. and he was. Good boy.

Dinner is pretty good. We have some food, some drinks and some decent conversation. He orders martinis... okay. That's fine, I guess. I mean, drink what makes you happy. But, maybe don't tell me that your guilty pleasure is you love to watch Glee, while drinking your fancy-glassed beverage.

I call him The President because of a few things. He is president of the Dallas chapter of his college's alumni association. That's pretty cool. I would love to work for Mizzou in Dallas! And, he works for a bank. Mind you, he isn't the president of the bank, but he does work at one and banks have presidents, so it makes sense to me!

The President told me he likes to wake up at approximately 5:00 am each morning so he can get to the office by 6? I almost chugged my Riesling and walked away then. That is not going to work for me, pal. I like to sleep until the last minute possible... and then lay in bed for another 15 just to challenge myself to get to work on time. He also mentioned that his little side gig of helping out the alumni association is like having a second time job. He said sometimes he doesn't get home until 10, and hasn't even had dinner yet! I recommended he keep a banana in his pocket in case he gets real real hungry.

Aside from the work-a-holic, early risin', Glee watchin' parts, this guy is so put together. You can tell just by chatting with him. I like it. He just turned 30 and he seemed like more of a grown up than MP does at 32. I could like this, but... how is he going to feel that I like to watch cartoons, doodle my name on all my school trapper-keepers work portfolios and maybe still sleep with a stuffed animal? Not very grown up. If MP didn't think I was enough of a grown up and he has been known to act like a frat boy after a kegger, then I am thinking The Pres is going to delete my email address stat... even though he promised to take me on vacations. The little liar.

Oh yeah, and he never called. Guess I shouldn't have told him that I also have a guilty pleasure: I watch shows on the WB. Or maybe it was the awkward lean in hug I gave him... maybe I shoulda gone for the smooch... I did kind of owe him after he saved me from going on a date with a 45 year old!

Alright... who is next on the list?

PS. Mr President, I am NOT singing you happy birthday and I am erasing our names entwined in hearts from my trapper keeper YOUR email address! SO THERE!