An Introduction...

I think a lot of emotions go through your heart when it gets broken. In fact, probably all of them. Maybe not happiness- I doubt happiness is invited to the party. I didn't really date in high school. I didn't really date seriously in college. You could say I was a late bloomer when it came to the love department. Three years after I left my University and moved across the country, I met a boy that I tried my hardest not to fall for... for awhile, it worked. It really did. I knew he liked me more than I liked him. He told me he loved me first... and I kept saying "if the butterflies aren't here in x weeks/months/days, I have to tell him goodbye." I never told him goodbye. Wait, that's a lie- I tried. Several times... but he wouldn't let me walk away. He told me again and again that it was worth it. This was something special. And I didn't need him to tell me that. Somewhere along the way that boy managed to do what no other guy ever had- he made me feel okay with letting go of a little of the control.

I had never felt this way. I had no idea what was going on; how I was supposed to act; the right things to do, to say... I went with it. Sometimes his eyes would make me melt and he'd do a silly dance in the car, and I couldn't imagine anyone else being able to fill up my heart the way he did. He got me. For the first time in all of my 26 years, someone really got me! And then one hot August day, he changed his mind. I thought the shattered pieces of my heart were going to slice through my chest and leave me bleeding to death right there... but, no, I made it home. And then I thought they would surely shred me apart, puncturing vital organs on their way out, and again, bleeding to death on the floor/bed/couch... and yet again they didn't... I made it through. I survived the pain, the feeling of total and complete despair and loss, the hurt, the nights of tears and sobbing and mutilated self worth. 

And then he changed his mind again... At first, I didn't care. I would hang out with him; he was my best friend for a year, after all- but I would keep my options open. Somewhere between that first birthday lunch and a chilly January night, he had managed to steal my heart again. I didn't realize it at the time, but he did. That chilly night did nothing to squelch the fire burning in my heart... it did however aid in freezing the blood that ran through my veins when MP changed his mind yet again. Devastation- again. Heartbreak- again. Disappointment, lost hopes and dreams, confusion- again.

It didn't matter that I had kind of started seeing someone else- someone who did those things that MP had stopped doing; someone who gave me those first butterflies... These are great at first, but once they go away, there needs to be something to take their place. And with Baby T, crickets. He is cute, and charming, and adorable, and so much fun to be around... But I don't like crickets. They get on my nerves and make too much noise. 

*I've been told I need to elaborate on Baby T- He's a boy I met in January through some friends who is a lovely young fellow.. emphasis on young. For some reason, I am never able to get past the age thing when a boy is younger than me. We always had a lot of fun together, but with him living an hour away, it made it hard. Perhaps a post on him at a later date and time!

And I missed MP. I missed him a lot. I still do. Every.damn.day. That mean ol' boy who stole my heart still comes to my mind when a Colbie Caillet song comes on, or I see a maroon truck, or any one of a billion things happens...

That's my story. And so begins my quest to find True Love. I had a taste, and it turned out to not be as bad as I thought it would be... I thought I had it with MP, but he stopped thinking feeling the same way; so I guess I was wrong. But as a wise man once said: "Trip over love, you can get up.  Fall in love and you fall forever." So I am going with that- which explains the skinned knees and battered all over feel. But, the forever sure does sound a lot better than a few months. or a year or two...

So I am picking myself up and dusting myself off, and getting back on that horse. Which will be handy since my prince should come riding in on a white horse. We'll be on the same level- easier to communicate, probably.

I signed up for some dating websites. It took a lot of talking myself into it, and rationalizing, and some swallowing of pride, but I did it! The following posts will chronicle those dates until I find someone that makes me too boring to blog anymore =)